Ball girls: Matt Manns, Henry Spriggs
*Match 1 vs Lincoln*
Excited to start what was expected to be a challenging match, Lucy shot off the line with speed hitherto unseen from the spritely tennis player. The match then proceeded to start, with Lincoln taking five balls and subsequently the first set. Things picked up soon after as the girls remembered they each possessed at least two limbs on their upper body, using these to nab cheeky little catches here and there, tearing through the Lincoln squad almost as fast as Spriggs tore through the crotch of his trackies. A muy picante catch from La Capitana in the last two seconds of the final frame put us up to a delicious 8-4 at half time. Despite a series of dubious calls from the certainly unbiased Brummy gals, our girls held their heads high and carried on through with a 16-8 victory.
*Match 2 vs MUDs*
Manchester had brought a big buzzy bee along with them, so although the match wasn’t going to be as easy as hoped, we stormed in, epipens at the ready, and dropped the first frame immediately. Chiara opted to practice her colloquial English language skills, earning a penalty set for her petit lil fuck up. By halftime we were neck and neck at 6-6, and realised that to get that all important edge we’d have to start switching up our play. La Capitana took matters into her own hands by deciding to avoid balls by crawling off court; with Lucy responding by sacrificing her whole spine to bring her back in, a worthy trade. Watching our controlled flailing on court, MUDs began to panic and called for time out, during which Jemma called for an impromptu wet t-shirt competition. With the girls all wet and ready, we headed into the endgame, taking the final two sets and securing a very moist 13-11 victory.
MVP: for her dedication to the team, her flawless catching, and being more ripped than the muscles in her back, Lucy Palmer is the MVP of this meet.
Punishment pints: Lucy (false start); Chiara (penalty set for fucking swearing); Michela (line fault x2 – disgustang); Zoë (line fault + giving them 5 balls); Henry (retriever error)
TL;DR: catches win matches x2. Ballin’.
– Zoë Wells