Women’s Final League Meet – 6th April 2019

Zoë Wells (c)
Lia Credé
Lucy Palmer
Mai-An Dang
Jemma Loughlin
Keziah Dean
EA Kersley

Ball boys: Henry Spriggs and Tom Ovenden
Wet boy/Birmingham 2 Ball Boy: Marek Podgajny
Also there for a bit: Josh Keys

The day got off to a classic women’s league start, with all four universities that had bothered to show up listening to Gareth’s trademark combination of breath-taking optimism and endless brevity, as he carefully explained that line refs are overrated anyway so we wouldn’t have them on our court.

Warwick vs Lincoln
We got off to an uncharacteristically fantastic start against Lincoln, with Jemma pulling off her famous tactic of only making one catch per meet with a really fucking good one that helped secure a two-set lead early on. Lincoln soon got a bit of perspective and realised we weren’t all eight feet tall, lowered their throws and started getting some hits. After dropping a set we then found ourselves down to a 4 on 2. Sadly for Lincoln, those two were Mai-An “I can jump higher than Jemma is tall” Dang and Leehah “I don’t even have to block anymore, the balls just run away in fear” Crede, who easily turned the set around with a catch and a series of scrumptious little pings. Thanks to this strong effort, we were up by 8-2 at half time.

The second half continued in the same vein, with Lia sniping players left right and centre. Lincoln began to think more tactically, targeting our weaknesses and slamming Lucy right in the tonsillitis. After briefly considering puking on court, she decided that none of the Lincoln lot were worthy of her ample fluids and kept it down. From her prime position on her knees, Lucy continued to take those balls time and time again, with, by her estimation, a total of 7 balls grabbed, a worrying medical anomaly and an impressive scoresheet. In order to add some dramatic tension to our final game, we decided to drop the next three sets, leading to a minute set with the score at 12-10. We then thoroughly dashed any Lincoln dreams by securing the totally-not-nervous final game, set, match, league, with a 14-10 victory.
We were now relying on a Birmingham loss to Lincoln to achieve a podium win. Having crushed their spirits almost as hard as Zoe crushed her somehow-still-broken finger 12 fucking weeks ago, we watched as Lincoln lost a hard-fought match against the 5 antisocial Brummie girls who hadn’t gone on tour. This meant we ended the league at a still very impressive 4th place, miles ahead from where we ended last year. Onwards and upwards.

Everyone vs Everyone 2s
As Gareth trudged off home, grumbling about eradicating MUDs from the league and taking all the match balls with him, everyone else hung around for a classic game of last (wo)man. Our girls stood strong in the first match, with Keziah standing so strong that a ball bounced clean off her and took out Lucy Palmer. Emma managed to make it to the last five people, the sole Warwick girl standing, through the trademark dodge-fresh tactic of trying to blend into the wall. La Capitana managed to take out a Birmingham girl with her leg. Proving that the patriarchy is alive and well, both games were won by men, including our very own Josh Keys who thanks to this impressive performance is offered a place on the prestigious women’s 2nd team – famously the best team in the club, having never lost a game.

Thank you to all the wonderful girls who gave up their time and came to league at some point this year. We’ve improved so much over the last two years and I can’t wait to see how far you all come next year. Congratulations to everyone, we couldn’t have done it without you.

MVP: For her ridiculous singles and pings, her ruthless blocking, and for always going the extra (insert how many miles from St Albans to Leamington) miles, Lia Credé is our MVP of the meet.

Additionally! I have tallied up all the votes from all the women’s league meets to find the MestVestPest player. For consistently sacrificing her time, energy, and health, despite it definitely not being in her long-term interest, Lucy Palmer is our Pest for the Women’s League 2018-19.

For the first time in league, I have no punishment pints to write out. Everyone do a victory pint in celebration of finishing league; please send photographic evidence if you are not at the pub tonight.

TL;DR: Won against Lincoln, came 4th overall. Whack a pint

– Zoë Wells

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