Women’s North England University Championships

Event: North University Championships (qualifiers for Uni Champs)
Date: 7th November 2015
Venue: Manchester MET Uni


  • Thandi Ngoma ©
  • Rosie Leverton
  • Priyanka Kanani
  • Katie Thompson
  • Kay Heenan
  • Cecilia Rose Jastrzembska
  • Tess Elizabeth Gullis
  • Denise Cheung

Saturday 7th November did not start well for 63% of the girls team. Technical difficulties combined with unfortunate weather meant that certain members were more moist than anticipated for 9.30 on a Saturday morning, but like the professionals we are we quite literally shook it off and powered through in the gloriously glamorous Crewe.
Game numero uno was against Lincoln University. A newly formed team, it’s really encouraging to see the sport spreading and to support those just entering it, to show them the ropes and welcome them into the Dodgeball fold, helping these little lambs to find their feet. Heartwarming.

So we trashed them. But not before two rather experienced members of the team who shall remain nameless gave away two frankly revolting catches within the first 15 seconds of the match, meaning the match ended 9-1. Some would say they should be ashamed of themselves, some would say they were trying to let less experienced members on court shine. Unsung heroes? We’ll never know.

Birmingham 3rds were the next to face the Warwick Warriors Women’s Wrath. Smashed it. It was a bit awkward tbh. I started rooting for them a bit near the end, noone can doubt they had heart. Didn’t stop Thandi shouting “Go cray Rolo, KILL HER” for a close range counter though. Throwing from the whole team was saucy (think like proper carbonara with double cream), so much so that all 5 games were ended by us throwing them all out with 5 still left on our side, for a decisive 10-0 rampage by us.

(Speaking of pasta, I was standing eating my LOVINGLY PREPARED HOMEMADE lunch (we’re talking greek style vegetable pasta, the works), when a rogue ball comes flying out of the air and knocks it FUCKING FLYING, all over the Nottingham Trent team. Feta everywhere. Hit a guy in the head with the fork. Stunned silence as we stare at aubergine strewn over the floor. I’m welling up remembering. I don’t think anyone spoke for about a minute.)

The last of the group games was undoubtedly the hardest. Derby have historically been a rough team to play, and not only because their kit is bright orange. Two of their players (who by the way should have graduated, JUST LEAVE ALREADY) have absolutely tonk throws. “Just get out of the way” We advised. “No point even trying”. So of course little Katie catches them both, multiple times. Absolute scenes. We snuck in a quick lead, winning the first game with some real sniperish throwing from Cecelia, but then had a bit of a mare in the middle, meaning it was all to play for in the final game. Things looked bad when Tess and CC exited the court after being called for 5 seconds, but the girls held it together magnificently (not me, man was soon out due to helpfully throwing right into England Player April’s bosom) to turn the game around, topping the group with a 6-4 win.

Quarter finals against Nottingham Trent, not much to say, I got a bit bored we won that easily thank to our girls being so on form throwing. In and out in about 6 minutes. No fun for anyone there.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a UKDBA tournament if we you know, actually got to finish the tournament. Madness to even entertain the notion. Even with the much speculated extended 6.30pm finish time, at time of publication we still have yet to play our semis and OF COURSE the final, which will take place on the 29th, day of the finals of overall Uni Champs. WATCH THIS SPACE for more incredibly long-winded match reports (if Thandi ever lets me do another)
Also, a big thanks to the boys who supported us throughout the day, we are all massive exhibitionists so it surely helped to have you guys there. You are the 7th member on court, the wind beneath our wings, the gift that keeps on giving.

– Rosie Leverton

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