Men’s 2nd Team – DNL (Meet 4)

Event: DNL (Meets 4)
Date: 12th March 2016
Location: Academy Sport, Reading


  • Anand Krishnan (c)
  • Ben Moran-Wardle
  • Pete Leighton
  • Josh Garcia Hall
  • Josh Keys
  • Will Couzens
  • Nathan Thompson (Team Manager/Public Relations)


This week, JC made the controversial decision to exclude Nathan from the squad, to the shock and horror of all other team members. Unperturbed by this snub, Nathan promoted himself to Team Manager and went along anyway, happily wedging himself into Anand’s car in between a rather uncomfortable Bowditch and Rhys, all of whom barely made it to the meet thanks to some poor drivers on the M40 (Rumour has it that Winchester sent them in a desperate attempt to avoid yet another day of utter humiliation. Spoiler alert – they were unsuccessful. Naturally).

Despite this early scare all team members, plus the 1’s, made it to the venue and began warming up in anticipation of a day of dodgeball that would turn out to be one of the most dramatic DNL meets in the 2’s history.

Match 1: Warwick Warriors II vs Imperial

Having absolutely smashed them the first time round, hopes were high as our heroes stepped out onto the court. As expected, the first game went absolutely brilliantly. For about 20 seconds. Suddenly JGH, in a tactical decision known only to himself, decided to go and absolutely mangle his leg, and had to be carted off court. This left the 2’s down to just 5 men and at a crisis point. Things were looking desperate. JC’s plan had failed. Fans were starting to panic. How could the 2s come back from this?!? Step forward Nathan Thompson, that milk boshing, (occasionally) cross dressing, catching machine. Back at full strength, if a little bit ruffled, the 2’s overcame their early wobble to win the match against a surprisingly resilient Imperial side who at one point were leading 6-4. Not the most ideal start to the day, but as the renowned classical philosopher D:Ream once remarked, ‘Things can only get better’…

Final score: Warwick Warriors II 8 – 6 Imperial

Match 2: Warwick Warriors II vs UCL

Having endured a shaky start, our heroes managed to get their act together, falling into a decent rhythm, working together and just generally being pretty wonderful. Excellent throwing on the parts of everyone bar Nathan ensured that very few easy catches were given away to this defensive side, resulting in some rather one sided games. Towards the end of the match, UCL began reverting to increasingly desperate tactics in order to throw us off our game. The highlight of these was when the sole female UCL team member began to engage in some frankly outrageous flirting with none other than our own Mr Josh Keys at the centre line (‘She even said I wasn’t quick enough – the b****!’ Keys, J. 2016). Despite this, the 2’s could not be denied as they secured a convincing win.

Final score: Warwick Warriors II 11 – 3 UCL

Match 3: Warwick Warriors II vs Winchester Bullets 2

Sadly the report for this match has been deemed inappropriate for publication. If you would like to read this report, we suggest that you ask one of the current exec members very nicely and they might show it to you. If they feel like it. Maybe.

Final score: Warwick Warriors II 12 – 2 Winchester Bullets

Final Thoughts

After the meet, it was discovered that this was in fact the first DNL meet in which the 2’s have won all 3 matches.
Following some cutting edge statistics work (and a brief glance at the league tables) we have managed to calculate that all we need to finish in an unprecedented 3rd place is to take a total of 9 points from our remaining 2 matches – bring it on!

– Josh Keys and Nathan Thompson (Men’s Team players)

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